I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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