we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
