Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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