update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
