His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
