Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
