Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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