How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
