The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
