Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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