My sheets look like a crime scene.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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