I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
