I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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