my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
