I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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