And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
