I think I won the penis lottery.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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