Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
