At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
