I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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