Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
