we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
