u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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