Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize