On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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