He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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