I CAN MOONWALK!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
