I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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