Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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