Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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