I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
