just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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