everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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