Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
