I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
