I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
