is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
false alarm, still single
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
