i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
