I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize