you guys were way drunker than both of me
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
