Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize