were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
