summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
