I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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