i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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