You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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