can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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