Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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