It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it's like heaven, but drunker
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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