my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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