I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
