worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
did i walk over a car last night?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
