Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
