did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
