My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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