I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
