respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
