I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
