the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
