I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
organizing the empties. That sober.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
