You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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