dude i'm inner monologue high
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize