he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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