Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize