the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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