On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
