I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
