Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
