I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
