i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
