In the future we'll all be gay
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
