I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
