She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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