I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
