I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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