I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
