Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
