So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
