i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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