i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
