Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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