we have officially lost it.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
