last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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