Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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