He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
