Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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