Im at strip club and am horny
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
