Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When are your genitals available?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
