Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize