she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
