I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
