We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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