I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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