Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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