also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
