Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
