Welp...herpes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
