Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
