i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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