I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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