Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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