She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
