Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
