How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
