What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
