I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
