Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
