well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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